There are many kinds of employees. Smart workers, hard workers, non-workers, etc. In every job you will always find a mix of all kinds of workers.
Although, there is one job... one job alone, where you will always find the employees always doing more than what they are expected to do.
Although, there is one job... one job alone, where you will always find the employees always doing more than what they are expected to do.
The Indian Mommygration Officers.
Every time you need to leave or return back to India, you will have to go past them.
They are the people assigned (or so they feel) to make you feel like you are an early teenage girl... talking to your dad... when you're leaving or returning home late!
But let's look at the fun activity you have to do, before you get to meet a Mommygration Officer.
First of all, you are made to fill a ridiculous form every time you have to exit or return back to the India.
This form is along the lines of the punishment you get in school - write the same lines over and over and over again, till you feel sorry... Indian kids call this imposition. You can be the citizen of the country or even the father, you may not be Jean Claude Van Damme... but you still must fill the form over and over and over again (ref: Pablo Francisco).
The age of this form is roughly close to the age of our solar system.
The earlier version of the form used to look something like this.
The above form was filled when you needed to go to places greater than 50 meters from your house.
As the years passed, civilization happened. But in general, there was an urge to make sure people remembered how to write their names inside boxes. It was found that travellers were also happy.. so to handle those issues, the form stayed.
Today (for the past 50 years), the form has a new look and feel.
Take the section below for instance:
This tests your skills as a magician. You have 11 letters to answer the question with. Choose the letters wisely.
Try and refer to Harry Potter for spells that can come in handy.
Try and refer to Harry Potter for spells that can come in handy.
Try to be loyal and visit only one country other than India.
Don't go to countries with long names like Czechoslovakia or Dominican Republic; but if you must, then please teleport to India.
If you've been on a Europe trip, ask the stewardess to hit you with that flying broom and throw you out of the flight... without the broom.
In short, you can take the form... roll it up... sit on it... and spin.
In short, you can take the form... roll it up... sit on it... and spin.
Another interesting section is this :
This shows that the root of the country is farming. And regardless of the time that has passed and the industrial revolution in general; they still want to know, 'in writing' from every traveller, when he will start farming.
Once you have filled up the form, you then get the honor to meet the mommygration officer.
Now here's the deal. The officer will actually check if you copied information from your passport on to the form; AND check it against your details on his computer, based on your passport. You will then get asked all kinds of questions:
(if you are leaving India)
- Where are you going?
- Why are you going?
- How long are you going to stay?
- How are you going?
- How are you going?
(of if you're getting back)
- Where were you?
- Why were you there?
- Why are you here?
- How long are you here?
Note that the answers to all the questions, are those, you took precious moments out of your life to fill in to the form!
The country you are visiting asks you fewer questions to issue you a visa BUT... that doesn't matter! The officer must do more work than required because he is the guardian of the gates, the keeper of the key, the chosen one, carrier of the ring, the owner of the elder wand, the wh*re!
The country you are visiting asks you fewer questions to issue you a visa BUT... that doesn't matter! The officer must do more work than required because he is the guardian of the gates, the keeper of the key, the chosen one, carrier of the ring, the owner of the elder wand, the wh*re!
Some of them are hardcore workers. They will venture in to your personal life.
- Who do you stay with? Do you love her?
- What is your salary?
- Which school you went to?
- How many marks you got in your 9th standard Math exam?
- How many times a week do you have sex? same person?
- Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
- Why are you frothing in your mouth?
- Why are you on the floor convulsing? Why do you need a metal object?
Your small intestine will itch to step out and choke the bastard.
Tips for being able to travel are:
- do not say "Read the form B*tch!" or "Not your f*cking business!"
- do not compare his/her eyesight to his/her dead grandmother's
- do not bitch-slap the officer; capture a video; slow it down and put it up on youtube
- do not kick the officer in the nuts (even if available)
- do not gyrate, do the moonwalk, scream "oow" and say "F*ck you!"
- do not point out the resemblence of his/her mother to a sl*t
- do not shove the form down the officer's throat
- try to gnaw on your arm to keep yourself from doing any of the above
- humble me
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