What They Did Next #233

Those video posts are getting annoying aren't they?

How To Go Shopping At Reliance, D-Mart, Auchan And The Likes

Isn't it amazing that there are queues at these places for ladies to go get their handbags' zippers sealed?
Such a warm welcome our Indian Supermarkets give their customers.
Apparently, most Indian customers are also guilt-ridden enough to go stand in said queues without asking "why?"... only to later realize that their mobile phone's ringing from inside their sealed bag.

What would they think of next? 
Perhaps hand-cuff customers' hands behind their backs and send them in to shop, get them to push their trolleys with their mouths. They can perhaps get everyone to play twister while they're at it.

We're sure there is someone seated at the CC TV in each of these places having a great laugh. How about a little payback?

How To Get Rid Of Annoying Kids Next To You On A Flight

Banking Passwords

Kid's Parents

A lot of people think they hate annoying little kids.

What they don't realize is that they actually hate the parents of the annoying little kids.

Agreed that some kids are just of the devil and parents can do nothing at all to stop them.

But in most cases, parents don't do anything by choice.

These parents can be broadly classified as below:

 Fuckers, Whores and Gigolos

The whole world is my child's playground:

These are the kinds that assume the cosmic interaction of the gasses to form the sun and the planets around it, specifically a blue green one called Earth and the beings in it for the sole purpose of their kid's entertainment.

Be it restaurants, flights, movie theatres, morgue or movie theatres .. you can expect them to expect you to shut up and get with it.

"Mommy, Mommy!! I want chocolate" ..

"Son, don't disturb me.. I'm trying to sleep.. why don't you go straight ahead.. you'll find a room.. its called the cockpit, get in and play with some of the levers and buttons"

"Mommy Mommy!! I want teddy bear"

"Darling, you see that nice uncle sitting at the park and reading a book, go play with his balls"

"Mommy Mommy!! I want Gandalf's staff!"

"Honey, can't you see we are in a restaurant? Please go under any other diners' table and perform lobotomy on your dolly"

logic : kids need place to play, and earth is a place.

Cutest honey bunny wunny

Some kids look cute, others are alright to look at, many are ugly and remaining will cause blindness. (Face it, ugly people don't come from gremlins, they come from ugly kids and there is a lot of ugly people in the world)

It's but natural that every parent would find their bundle of joy the most pretty being in the world.

It's the love.

Remember the video of a fat kid dancing to Why this Kolaveri or that Dabaang's song?

Clearly this kid's parents didn't put up the video to make it an Internet laughing stock.

(Apparently this kid was loved, try explaining it to his 20 year old self looking back at this video)

Anywho .. love, unconditional love, eccentric and most times.. blind to other's personal space.

"Aww .. my kid peed on your leg. Isn't that adorable? Don't you love it when they do that?"

"Aww .. my kid tried to climb over your cup board and knocked it over! Isn't it adorable how she managed to wreck all your life long collection of rare crystals in one go?"

"My kid is so smart that he knows that in public is when he can wail the loudest, once he does that then we have to get him whatever he wants. So he saves up all his wailing for occasions like those. Nowadays kids are becoming so smart" (and parents, moronic)

logic : kids are adorable, mine especially, adorable kids can do anything as it will look cute and because of that, kids are adorable.(yeah .. beats us..)

My child is your child.

It might come as a surprise to you dear parents, but some movie watchers actually go to the cinemas to hear the dialogues, not the kid whaling.

If your answer is "It's a kid, it will cry like that only", then "this is a knife, it will stab like that only".

This category of parents believe that their difficulties with the kid are supposed to be something the world shares with them. If they're putting so much effort to handle the baby, can't other people not give up a simple movie? Umm, bitch, how about you give up on the simple movie and be at home with the kid and when its the other people's turn to have a kid, they can do their giving up.

So do parents of young kids never get a break to go to the movies.. umm .. no .. get with it, unless you have a mini theatre at home and you can watch your movies there. Or wait... here's an out of the world, unacceptable suggestion - a baby sitter? one of the kids grand parents perhaps? That way you get to watch the movie in peace and also the insignificant others in the theatre get to do the same. Genius right?? But don't consider this idea, it's evil.

Ever been on a flight journey sitting next to a mother and a child? 

*Ding* *Ding* "Tell 'em what the traveller's won John"

John : Ladies and gentlemen, this traveller has just won parenthood! If you are a male passenger, you are now the father of the child. Female passengers, you are now the lesbian partner of the child's mother. But Wait! There's more! You also get to have the child scream in your ears whilst the mother takes her well deserved nap. Isn't that just lovely?

logic : Screw You ALL!

NOTE :

Humans who feel disturbed by kids who's parents don't give a rat's ass about other humans on the planet - remember that you are evil. Kids will be kids and if you dare to think "...that's fine, but why do parents have to be dickheads?", your soul is darker than Lucifer himself and will one day be cursed to become a dickhead parent.

Problem with Facebook

The primary issue with Facebook is that you can only express a positive emotion.
There are tonnes of ass-wipes online who deserve to be demotivated .. no?


Take the below wall post:

Its the current day of the week you bi*ch f*ck! What were you trying to communicate? That you have time travelled to another day of the week and its Monday for you and somehow still Thursday for the rest of us?
A status update like this doesn't deserve a comment.
The only frikkin' one-click response option there is .. is that fateful Like !


Now imagine if there were the following new response option:

This new option would change everything!
"Go F*ck yourself", "F*ck Off", "F*cking idiot", it can be whatever you would like it to be.
This is how most people would like to respond to above insightful status.





Other brilliant status examples that deserve this reply :







And when enough people click on this response, there needs to be a broadcast sent about that status to everyone on Facebook.

Another neat reply option would be :

This one would read : "Like some fries with that?"






This could come in handy for status updates like :

This one can come in handy too :

Its a 1UP symbol, simply meaning - "get a frikkin' life!"







Good with stuff like :

















These were a few basic reply options.
Now we should look into some more technologically advanced ones.


E-Zap, for instance:

What if the status update is so nerve wrecking that you feel the need to pick up that baseball bat, wind it with barbed wire... and pay that person a visit? 
Just click on E-Zap!


Clicking on E-zap will send a short electric pulse to the metallic parts of the person's laptop.
As and when people click on E-Zap, the electric charge on the persons laptop would build up. It's obvious that the person has no clue that this is happening. Once enough charge builds up there will be an automatic ZAP to the person on his or her next login to Facebook. (the facebook login ensures that the right person gets the zap. If two people share passwords, then its only right that the two of them should share the zap)


Take the following update for instance:



Given the number of E-Zaps this comment is going to get, this person could end up in to coma due to over E-Zapping.


Other E-Zappable status messages:

With these new response options, the Like button will slowly be phased out.