Mumbai Talkers


What a Mumbaikar 
says
What the Mumbaikar 
means
It’s a fast city, if you can't keep up.. you'll be left behind
The city's size and traffic levels are waaaay too screwed up to use your own vehicle; if you don't run fast enough... you'll miss the train

Look the train is empty, let’s go
Look, there is enough space in that train for an entire mouse to squeeze into, let's not keep that up for long

People in Mumbai are warm and close to each other
People in trains are so close that they must rub up against each other and the friction creates the warmth

The city never sleeps
People are stuck in traffic jams on the road till wee hours in the night

He's gay
He rubs up against sweaty men even when he's not on a train

City has amazing flavours   of food
The only flavour we know is chaat masala. We will make everything you eat or drink taste like chaat masala.
What is that? The chocolate milk shake should taste of chocolate? Go to hell. Chaat Masala Rocks!

Mumbaikar spirit rocks!
I have no idea what I'm talking about

The train is a little crowded, but we can try to squeeze in

Let's try to bench-press Optimus Prime and his Autobots all at once
Men of Mumbai are Alsi Mard
Men of Mumbai call out to other men by means of a loud prolonged kissing sound
pppmmmmmuuuuaaahhhhhhh

Boss
waiter; auto-rikshaw driver; sewer cleaner; maid; dad; brother; randi; hijda; police; mom; carpenter; bum on street; rapist; batman; watchman; hulk; ostrich; ...

Mumbai is the best place   in the world
I have never seen any other place in the world but Mumbai

It was a usual day
I almost lost my limbs trying to jump into an over-crowded, moving train. Once I got in, I had to struggle to keep my footing so I don't get taken out of the train by the exiting crowd. Then I had my scrotum ripped off trying to push my way through to the exit. This was 25% of my journey - one way. 3 people died, 7 people got into fights on each compartment of every train. I got elbowed in my face 17 times. I had fruits with chaat masala on it. I had my pocket picked and fell into the drainage and lay there for 8 min

Doppler Effect
The change in frequency of the dholak and manjira for a stationary observer on the railway platform, when a train with a Bhajan group passes by

I had hot sex
I used a chat masala favoured condom

It’s started raining here last week

My car got washed away last week

The rains have become heavier this week
My car cleaner and his family got washed away this week

Today, the most bizarre thing happened!

Today I saw a man who ordered for watermelon juice and said NO to chaat masala
Surprisingly, I enjoyed all the western cartoons in Hindi when I was a kid

We didn't get cartoons in English on any of the TV channels
Hey, let’s go to the beach
Hey, let’s go to Goa coz we only have sewage as excuses for beaches

I'm a true Mumbaikar
I have lived and interacted with only my suburb and have no idea about the rest of Mumbai

Adventure runs in our blood
We have all once made the mistake of trying to get off at Borivilli from a fast local to Virar

Today is the worst day of   my life

I forgot my mobile pouch of chaat masala


   

2 comments:

  1. I am from Mumbai...and I approve this message ;)...Good blog dude.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Anonymous! We salute your sense of humor.

    Hmm.. wonder if we could get anyone from Kolkata to approve that there ARE dishes in the world today, which don't necessarily have to already exist in Kolkata.

    :)

    ReplyDelete

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