Mumbai Virar Fast Local

Mumbaikar

Mumbai Talkers

What a Mumbaikar  says	What the Mumbaikar  means
It’s a fast city, if you can't keep up.. you'll be left behind	The city's size and traffic levels are waaaay too screwed up to use your own vehicle; if you don't run fast enough... you'll miss the train
Look the train is empty, let’s go	Look, there is enough space in that train for an entire mouse to squeeze into, let's not keep that up for long
People in Mumbai are warm and close to each other	People in trains are so close that they must rub up against each other and the friction creates the warmth
The city never sleeps	People are stuck in traffic jams on the road till wee hours in the night
He's gay	He rubs up against sweaty men even when he's not on a train
City has amazing flavours   of food	The only flavour we know is chaat masala. We will make everything you eat or drink taste like chaat masala. What is that? The chocolate milk shake should taste of chocolate? Go to hell. Chaat Masala Rocks!
Mumbaikar spirit rocks!	I have no idea what I'm talking about
The train is a little crowded, but we can try to squeeze in	Let's try to bench-press Optimus Prime and his Autobots all at once
Men of Mumbai are Alsi Mard	Men of Mumbai call out to other men by means of a loud prolonged kissing sound pppmmmmmuuuuaaahhhhhhh
Boss	waiter; auto-rikshaw driver; sewer cleaner; maid; dad; brother; randi; hijda; police; mom; carpenter; bum on street; rapist; batman; watchman; hulk; ostrich; ...
Mumbai is the best place   in the world	I have never seen any other place in the world but Mumbai
It was a usual day	I almost lost my limbs trying to jump into an over-crowded, moving train. Once I got in, I had to struggle to keep my footing so I don't get taken out of the train by the exiting crowd. Then I had my scrotum ripped off trying to push my way through to the exit. This was 25% of my journey - one way. 3 people died, 7 people got into fights on each compartment of every train. I got elbowed in my face 17 times. I had fruits with chaat masala on it. I had my pocket picked and fell into the drainage and lay there for 8 min
Doppler Effect	The change in frequency of the dholak and manjira for a stationary observer on the railway platform, when a train with a Bhajan group passes by
I had hot sex	I used a chat masala favoured condom
It’s started raining here last week	My car got washed away last week
The rains have become heavier this week	My car cleaner and his family got washed away this week
Today, the most bizarre thing happened!	Today I saw a man who ordered for watermelon juice and said NO to chaat masala
Surprisingly, I enjoyed all the western cartoons in Hindi when I was a kid	We didn't get cartoons in English on any of the TV channels
Hey, let’s go to the beach	Hey, let’s go to Goa coz we only have sewage as excuses for beaches
I'm a true Mumbaikar	I have lived and interacted with only my suburb and have no idea about the rest of Mumbai
Adventure runs in our blood	We have all once made the mistake of trying to get off at Borivilli from a fast local to Virar
Today is the worst day of   my life	I forgot my mobile pouch of chaat masala

   

Teleportation

Teleportation - is a term that refers to a number of theories and notions concerning the transfer of matter from one point to another without traversing through the physical space between them.

And now how did this phenomenon come into existence?? People over centuries have come up with various theories and there have been active debates between various scientists, scholars, sages, tantric voodoo practitioners around the world questioning the very possibility of the phenomenon.. And then there are general people who have witnessed this in the movies or in video games and think "Woah - this is cool".. But the simple truth is just that it's a daily occurrence in one of the most happening cities in India.. Hmm..  Still not getting it.. Now let's try answering this question - Which Indian city is otherwise known as the city - "which never sleeps"?? If you didn't guess this, then you can stop reading right here and find a metal pipe and point your temple towards it and do a vertical 100 meter fall.. Even then, here's a clue: This city boasts of the power of vada paav which enhanced Bhappi Lahari's vocal abilities by expanding and aligning his neck to his waist size and currently measures up to n! (where n is infinity)- And now coming back to the actual phenomenon - Let's answer another question - This celebrated city has the most prided form of transportation in the whole world? - This one's easy and yes it's indeed the freaking local trains. Millions of people are quiet oblivious to the fact that they are indeed the source behind one of the most mind-boggling theories of all times - 'teleporting'. Here's a picture that says it all - 

And well this is what happens when the teleportation just goes wrong..  

- Bumble Bee

Tomato Sauce!!

Recently I had been to a restaurant in Mumbai  and had ordered for roasted Paapad, Roti and some side dish. Now I ask the waiter for some sauce for the Paapad.. what I had meant was this..

And instead, what I got served was this.. (Pyaas)

It took me 5 minutes to explain to him what I had actually wanted.. And when I finally did get through to him.. He was like.. "Baiyaa..  woh toh ketup hai.. apko toh kuch bhi nahi patha hai.. kahan se hai aap?? " and I replied back "Yeah, I am not from this place. I actually come from a place which is located 35 deg south 48.5 deg west with an approx distance of 3821.985 miles from the planet Uranus"

- Bumble Bee