Robin

Unlikely Comic Costume In Films

Have you wondered about the various considerations taken into account when choosing to make a movie out of a comic book? We're not talking about the story, dialogues, screenplay etc. 
A more basic consideration - the costume.

Screw the male characters, there is hardly any fun there, unless you fancy Robin running around in his stalkings. The female characters require far more care to make sure the movie stays main stream and doesn't become a porno flick.

Lets look at a few such female characters from popular comics. Some of them have already graced their presence on the silver screen, others are awaited.

Scarlet Witch

This is Magneto's (of the X-Men fame) kid. She can control probability with some bubbles.
This chick's costume in a movie will leave the audience wondering - what is the probability that those missing straps are going to cause a downfall?

Black Cat

This chick features in the Amazing Spiderman series. Her power, as such, is that she can bring 'bad luck' to the dudes who have a run-in with her (with that dress really?).


If this costume ever hit the movies, we wish the audience breast of luck!

Ms. Marvel and Psylocke

 

The Marvel chick is associated with the X-Men and the Avengers.
Her powers include superhuman strength, flight, physical durability and importantly, control over gravity (clearly!).

Psylocke is also associated with the X-Men, has powers like telepathy and telekinesis.

 
Their costumes will leave the audience waiting for them to pull out handcuffs and a whip at some point in time.

 
Psylocke has already appeared in film - X-Men : The Last Stand
<-- This is how she looked

Now you know why you don't remember this character in the movie ... no handcuff expectations.

Elektra

Elektra is connected to the Daredevil series, she's like his chick.
Apparently a ninja and knows how to work the Sai. Good for her.
This costume is all about when it’s gonna get out of the way.
The costume will remove any intent to care about the story line or the dialogues.

 














Remember that horrible movie Daredevil featuring Ben Affleck? Course you don't, you've worked real hard to forget about it, so let’s not go there.
Jennifer Garner played Elektra got stabbed and then got another spin-off for herself.
She was given this modest costume --------------------------->


The audience didn't care for the story line and dialogues anyway, for other reasons but.

Emma Frost

This chick is from the X-Men series. She has telepathic powers and also can take a diamond form.
Lot of girls can get into this costume. But the point is - no matter who gets into it, a lot of that person will still be outside the costume. Also, what on earth is holding that top in place? Oh right, diamond form.

 

Emma Frost has already had her movie

debut in X-Men First Class.

She looked as below(right):

Satisfyingly small amount of clothes but everything is still held together by clasps and not sheer will-power.

Lady Mastermind

This chick is associated with the X-Men. She has the ability to throw illusions at anyone she chooses. So clearly this costume's top not flapping around is the primary illusion.

She was there in the movie X-2 : Xmen United, looked like this:

 














Actually that is Jason - Mastermind, not Lady Mastermind, scratch that.

Tigra

She is a super powered tiger-woman from the Marvel Universe.
Her powers are .. does it really matter? Just walk on all four looking like that and the movie should do well.

Red Sonja

This chick is from the Conan series. Apparently she was a normal girl who was raped and then blessed by some Goddess woman with strengths and agility. The goddess however never blessed her with clothes, 100 points to the goddess.
















Sonja has had a bunch of movie/series productions already:

Red Sonja (Movie),  played by Brigitte Nielsen :

That's way too much clothing, Arnold wears lesser stuff in this movie!

Red Sonja (TV series) played by Angelica Bridges

Now this is more like it, who said Baywatch was the only way for kids to learn about female anatomy?

Red Sonja (another Movie)

Rose McGowan from Planet Terror was going to play the new Red Sonja but they scrapped it coz she busted her arm. Instead they gave her the role of Marique in the movie Conan the Barbarian (2011):

What the heck were the producers thinking right??

Shadow Lass

She's from the DC Universe, has the ability to cast darkness where ever she likes.She seems to like her womanly parts quite a bit... shucks!

Power Girl

Power Girl is the parallel universe counterpart of Supergirl.

Power Girl exhibits all of the classic Kryptonian powers like super strength; flight; tits; invulnerability; breasts; x-ray, telescopic, microscopic and heat vision; and super-heaving. 

The word "rack" comes from Power Girl coz you can pretty much arrange books on those!
The movie counterpart better be "blessed" enough to get into this peek-a-boo costume.

Starfire

She belongs to the DC Universe and is associated with the teen titans. 

She absorbs ultraviolet radiation and converts it to energy for flight and other fun things. 


The interesting power, however, is that she picks up languages through physical contact with another person and usually for a guy, its through a kiss! So all you foreign language speakers .. form a line!

Who says suspender belts were a bad design, its only a matter of what is being suspended.

Vampirella

She is part of a standalone comic series. She is a typical vampire with all the typical vampire powers.
Her victims never really show any signs of struggle .. we wonder why.
 
Talisa Soto, who played Princess Kitana in Mortal Kombat, played Vampirella.

Not too bad.

But now the question is, if she could look like that in Vampirella, why did Talisa as Princess Kitana look like this:

  

instead of this ------------>

Cassie Hack

This chick is from a standalone comic series. 
She has no powers but trained in martial arts and loves to swing a baseball bat.


She was ill-treated through her early life in school and finally got down to a tiny skirt and a bikini top to beat people with a stick. 


Those strings must be made of incredibly tough fibre, else movie audience will be in for a treat.

Lady Death

She belongs to a standalone comic series. When we say standalone, we're talking absolutely alone, no clothes included. She is a Goddess. 

Hmm… if death is this fine, what's all this fuss about life then?

Aspen Matthews

This chick belongs to the comic series Fathom. She's not being discussed for her superhero costume. 

She likes water, she likes the beach, she can manipulate water, is always running around in skimpy bikinis…

It would be interesting to watch the lead female in a wet bikini throughout the movie and yet trying to say lines and get people to listen to them.

Shanna - She Devil

She's from the Marvel Universe. She's like Ross' Science Boy. Her power is a superhuman thirst for veterinarian knowledge. 

She is a veterinarian!! 

Okay fine she is good with a spear and other assorted jungle weapons, but she is a Vet! It's time to get a chihuahua and get it sick.

Can you image the lines in the movie?
"My puppies are not doing well, but yours are faaaine!"

Sheena - queen of the jungle

She's part of a standalone comic series. She's a jungle queen, rides animals, wears rags, howls, is every man's dream and did we mention she wears rags and howls? 

 

Irish McCalla first played Sheena in 1955, good to know that this is not where the costume stopped evolving.

Tanya Roberts then played Sheena in the movie in 1982. Justice done to the costume (or the lack of it). Many of the doctors today were inspired to take up Biology after watching the movie while hoping that the Physics of the costume would give them a better sight of things life has to offer… and it did.

Gena Lee Nolin, of the Baywatch fame, then played Sheena in the TV series. This was a step back we'd say, she wore less clothes as a life guard damnit!

Patrick Stewart - now and then

Why the chicken on cornflakes box?

Many wonder what the picture of a chicken is doing on a box of cornflakes.

Then some of the many conclude that this cornflakes has egg in it and is therefore not pure vegetarian.

Then few of the some of the many start beef rumours and those few are eventually killed off.

Relax vegetarians, not like Coco-Pops is made with monkey poop or Frosties made with tiger cubs.

This is the Kellogg's cornflakes box.

That is not a chicken, its a rooster.

What do roosters do? They crow in the mornings.

Mornings - meaning breakfast - meaning Kellogg's Corn Flakes.

That was the idea, later they moved to different mascots for their other cereals.

Another interesting story is that Mr. Kellogg, the guy who came up with this was Welsh and Kellogg sounds like a Welsh word 'Ceiliog' which means rooster and so his wife suggested to have the rooster on the box - unlikely but interesting.

Curve

The workings of the mind can never be understood.

Take this peculiar analysis by students of YGA university for example.

see this random shape?

                                    Fig 1

now see this.

                                           Fig 2

If one were to ask you to pick an image, in most cases you would pick Fig 2.

The amygdala is the part of the human brain that "feels" emotion.

Studies have shown that the human mind more readily accepts shapes that are don't have extreme contrast. 

Acute angles in diagrams are less liked than obtuse ones. 

The mind will more readily accept an acute angle if there is some amount of reduction in the sharp edges. Hence the smoother picture (Fig 2) is subconsciously picked.

In short, boobs are awesome.

Kid's Parents

A lot of people think they hate annoying little kids.

What they don't realize is that they actually hate the parents of the annoying little kids.

Agreed that some kids are just of the devil and parents can do nothing at all to stop them.

But in most cases, parents don't do anything by choice.

These parents can be broadly classified as below:

 Fuckers, Whores and Gigolos

The whole world is my child's playground:

These are the kinds that assume the cosmic interaction of the gasses to form the sun and the planets around it, specifically a blue green one called Earth and the beings in it for the sole purpose of their kid's entertainment.

Be it restaurants, flights, movie theatres, morgue or movie theatres .. you can expect them to expect you to shut up and get with it.

"Mommy, Mommy!! I want chocolate" ..

"Son, don't disturb me.. I'm trying to sleep.. why don't you go straight ahead.. you'll find a room.. its called the cockpit, get in and play with some of the levers and buttons"

"Mommy Mommy!! I want teddy bear"

"Darling, you see that nice uncle sitting at the park and reading a book, go play with his balls"

"Mommy Mommy!! I want Gandalf's staff!"

"Honey, can't you see we are in a restaurant? Please go under any other diners' table and perform lobotomy on your dolly"

logic : kids need place to play, and earth is a place.

Cutest honey bunny wunny

Some kids look cute, others are alright to look at, many are ugly and remaining will cause blindness. (Face it, ugly people don't come from gremlins, they come from ugly kids and there is a lot of ugly people in the world)

It's but natural that every parent would find their bundle of joy the most pretty being in the world.

It's the love.

Remember the video of a fat kid dancing to Why this Kolaveri or that Dabaang's song?

Clearly this kid's parents didn't put up the video to make it an Internet laughing stock.

(Apparently this kid was loved, try explaining it to his 20 year old self looking back at this video)

Anywho .. love, unconditional love, eccentric and most times.. blind to other's personal space.

"Aww .. my kid peed on your leg. Isn't that adorable? Don't you love it when they do that?"

"Aww .. my kid tried to climb over your cup board and knocked it over! Isn't it adorable how she managed to wreck all your life long collection of rare crystals in one go?"

"My kid is so smart that he knows that in public is when he can wail the loudest, once he does that then we have to get him whatever he wants. So he saves up all his wailing for occasions like those. Nowadays kids are becoming so smart" (and parents, moronic)

logic : kids are adorable, mine especially, adorable kids can do anything as it will look cute and because of that, kids are adorable.(yeah .. beats us..)

My child is your child.

It might come as a surprise to you dear parents, but some movie watchers actually go to the cinemas to hear the dialogues, not the kid whaling.

If your answer is "It's a kid, it will cry like that only", then "this is a knife, it will stab like that only".

This category of parents believe that their difficulties with the kid are supposed to be something the world shares with them. If they're putting so much effort to handle the baby, can't other people not give up a simple movie? Umm, bitch, how about you give up on the simple movie and be at home with the kid and when its the other people's turn to have a kid, they can do their giving up.

So do parents of young kids never get a break to go to the movies.. umm .. no .. get with it, unless you have a mini theatre at home and you can watch your movies there. Or wait... here's an out of the world, unacceptable suggestion - a baby sitter? one of the kids grand parents perhaps? That way you get to watch the movie in peace and also the insignificant others in the theatre get to do the same. Genius right?? But don't consider this idea, it's evil.

Ever been on a flight journey sitting next to a mother and a child? 

*Ding* *Ding* "Tell 'em what the traveller's won John"

John : Ladies and gentlemen, this traveller has just won parenthood! If you are a male passenger, you are now the father of the child. Female passengers, you are now the lesbian partner of the child's mother. But Wait! There's more! You also get to have the child scream in your ears whilst the mother takes her well deserved nap. Isn't that just lovely?

logic : Screw You ALL!

NOTE :

Humans who feel disturbed by kids who's parents don't give a rat's ass about other humans on the planet - remember that you are evil. Kids will be kids and if you dare to think "...that's fine, but why do parents have to be dickheads?", your soul is darker than Lucifer himself and will one day be cursed to become a dickhead parent.

What The Duck !?!

The disney universe has quiet a few popular ducks.

But how are they related?

The three little ducks Huey, Dewey, and Louie are brothers, that we know.

They call Donald Duck - Uncle Donald

They also call Scrooge McDuck - Uncle Scrooge

... and Donald also calls Scrooge McDuck - Uncle Scrooge WTF?

In all these men and boys.. where are the women?

You can't just have kids without the women getting a little involved no?

So here's how it is:

Scrooge McDuck has two siblings - Hortense McDuck and Matilda McDuck.

Hortense McDuck is the mother of twin ducks, the ever so popular Donald Duck and his sister Della Duck.

Della Duck is the mother of Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

So though Scrooge is Donald's uncle, he is the grand uncle of Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

That makes him Uncle Scrooge to both.

The full picture is even more complex!