Hum Apke Hain Pomeranian!

Bolly"Wood"

Many concerned Indian patriots had taken it to their film makers that India doesn't produce any good Adult Films. Where is our country going? No one seems to care! Every other country is producing good quality stuff and Indians are left with nothing more than look-alikes of Cousin Itt & Jabba The Hutt making out to a camera in bad light. We must show the world that not only are we good at making babies using 62,834 positions (and yet keeping the topic taboo) but we can also make films about them and give it the family movie genre.

Film makers saw the point at once! They decided to take up new projects and have shortlisted the following titles:

- Sore Lay (hardcore)

- Hum Aapke Hai Porn (informative documentary on making adult films, feat. hit single dicktana)

- Sub Kuch Hota Hai (inter-racial, feat. hit single "ladki badi horney hai" )

- R.G.Verma Ki Aag (gay)

- Oh Shanti... Ooh! (amature couple, feat. hit track "bukkake disco")

- Booby (calendar girls)

- Lage Raho Munni-bhabhi (marathon)

- Dildo Paagal Hai (lesbian)

- Dilwale's Dulhaniya Laid (bride fetish)

- Maine Kiya! (first time)

- Ram's Biwi Ganga.. Meri (cheating spouse)

- Saare Zameen Par (group orgy)

- Jab Jab Phool Khile (amature teens)

- Anmol body (calendar girls) 

- Haathi Mera Saathi (beastiality)

- Kabhi Sri-Sri Kabhi Fun (taboo)

- Rand De Basanti (informative documentary on "how to bargain with a pimp")

- Kaho Naa Tyre Hai (fat fetish)

- Kabhi Hole-Without Na Karna (informative documentary on "how to end your celibate life")

- Kal Whore Na Ho (informative documentary on "how to lead a celibate life") 

- Maare Tu Ya Maare Na (bondage)

- No Entry (softcore)

Indians have yet again shown their unity in diversity.

- humble me

Gandalf vs Dumbledore

Everyone's curious about what happens when Gandalf faces Dumbledore in combat.

So here it is.. 

- humble me

Love Triangles of Bollywood

Bollywood has had love triangles forever. We have seen many standard one girl - two boys. And of the two boys, the not loved one either gets a new heroine in the end or ... to keep matters simple, just dies in the end and every one else lives happily ever after. Here is a look at some of the more interesting love triangles that Bollywood has offered.

Kal Ho Na Ho

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

Darr

Saajan

Hum Aapke Hain Koun

Ishq

 Anjaam

 Baazigar

-Humble Me

Tomato Sauce!!

Recently I had been to a restaurant in Mumbai  and had ordered for roasted Paapad, Roti and some side dish. Now I ask the waiter for some sauce for the Paapad.. what I had meant was this..

And instead, what I got served was this.. (Pyaas)

It took me 5 minutes to explain to him what I had actually wanted.. And when I finally did get through to him.. He was like.. "Baiyaa..  woh toh ketup hai.. apko toh kuch bhi nahi patha hai.. kahan se hai aap?? " and I replied back "Yeah, I am not from this place. I actually come from a place which is located 35 deg south 48.5 deg west with an approx distance of 3821.985 miles from the planet Uranus"

- Bumble Bee

What happened during the making of Rockstar.

Director: Imtiaz Ali
Lead Actors : Ranbir Kapoor, Nargis Fakhri

So here is what happened behind the scenes.
The cast and crew were all set and started shooting the movie… it was all going well ..
They shot the scenes in the same order as it was to be in the movie.

Then somewhere near the mid point of the movie, this happened:
Director: ok team, so far so good! just keep going... I need to take a wiz... will be right back.
Team: okay cool, no prob!

So the director went to relieve himself... and in a brilliant effort to aim and pee on a fly in the bathroom, slipped, tripped and broke his fall on the porcelain wash basin.. He lay there for a while... a few months perhaps...

Back at the shooting...

Team: we’ve been going at it with the same dialogues for a while now, what do we do?

Team: doesn’t look like the director’s going to be back, is anyone planning to check on him?

Team: no? ok…

Team: hey look! … we’ve still got a bunch of unused tracks for this movie!!

Team: uhh.. cool! lets just make Ranbir mime the rest of the tracks, he’s become quite a talented mime guitarist by now.. lets give him that Orianthi’s solo piece to mime..

Ranbir: rocking!

Nargis: I’m gonna be sick!

Team: Awesome! alright then, she gets to be sick then... Makeup artists… Get Out!

... and the rest of the movie was completed.

Disclaimer:
This is information is not very accurate but it’s more or less what you will observe in the movie.


-humble me

X-Men that kids actually are

In general, most kids can be categorized as one of the various xmen.

For instance, the mostly quiet and intelligent but randomly displaying savage traits are like Beast. Or the ones that keep running into walls are Shadow Cats..

Here's a list of X-Men that kids actually are:
(oh for new parents there is also advice on how to deal with them)

Toad - dirt, diary, duck, dodo or a dinosaur.. All of it goes straight into this kid's mouth. If you look away, your mini golf course will be swallowed whole.
Neutralizer: try the Hannibal mask

Juggernaut - Its amazing how some kids get really large and really quick. Its like they're connected to a pressurized balloon pump! These kids also have the capability to not realize that they're .. well not small. You can catch them bulldozing through various toys, tables, bookshelves and other kids just because they saw the poster of a burger or a live cow..
Neutralizer: try pricking with a pin.. the kid might explode .. But hey, problem solved no?

Wolverine - some kids are just plain hairy.. boy or girl, doesn't matter. No man should be that hairy, let alone kid for that matter. The amount this kid would have made the mother puke during pregnancy, I'm surprised the mothers don't give birth by puking.
Neutralizer: swallow your trimmer during pregnancy.

Rogue - these kids have a simple motto.. "What is mine is of no concern.. the real importance of existence is to snatch everything from every other kid in the world"..
Neutralizer: straitjacket!

Pyro - some kids can really, really get pissed... in public, mothers shall get bitch-slapped and fathers shall get round-house-kicked (if viewers are lucky, a free tiger-upper-cut to the dad's nuts). And the famous "Police will get you" technique does not scare them one bit. They're far too bad ass for that and will tiger-upper-cut the cop if needed.
Neutralizer: keep frozen at all times, check with Dr.Freeze for advice on the subject matter.

Syren - at all times, these kids have only one tone and one look.. The look says.. "if you breathe, I'm gonna cry all over your sorry ass."
The tone has the decibel levels of a supernova (exploding star).

Special public performances happen at locations like Church, Cinema, Theatre,etc.
Neutralizer: shove a plunger into kid's mouth and store in vacuum.

Storm - these kids are like magic! They can enter a perfectly well arranged room and in an instant, Turn the room inside out.. Every single object gets displaced and all at once. You could be watching TV and realize the show is running upside down, you think the kid attacked the TV, but reality is that ur sitting on ur head.
Neutralizer: chloroform.

Mastermind - these are the most uncanny of the lot. They have a very firm hold on neuron-network of their parents minds. Hence only THEY think their kid is the most adorable thing on this otherwise petty planet.. In reality, even the pet dog what's to gnaw on the kid..
Neutralizer: release the pet dog.

Dark Phoenix - the destroyer of life, universe and everything! These kids make Sauron look like a Teletubby. They have characteristics of all of the above kids, all at once! Anything and everything in their paths will be

annihilated - walls, floors, electronics, automobiles, neighbors, friends, families, pets, bank balance, space-time, everything!  

Neutralizer - simple, make a neat deep slit on each of your wrists and sit back and relax..