Confusions of India - t and th

So whats the whole confusion with the t and th you ask?

Take a name for instance : Ajit, Ajith

People from the north of India are always wondering why the southies are spelling the name with an extra h in the end. And the people from the south wonder why the northies cut the word short of a sound.

Most people who have done some linguistic studies or know both languages will know the answer to this one straight.. Or if you don't give a shit at all, you can probably read some other stuff here.

The problem is that Hindi has more sounds that what can be supported by the English script.

The 4 letters थ, त, ट, ठ are mapped to only two English equivalents namely - t and th.

Now if you have passed basic arithmetic, you'll deduce that 4 is not mappable with 2.

On the other hand, some south Indian scripts (not Bombay you twit, Dravidian script) for instance Tamil, has only the two sounds त and ट. Yes there is no equivalent sound for थ or ठ in the script.

(Why? because those two sounds are not required to be made while solving the Schrodinger equation.)

So in Tamil it becomes simple - t stands for ट and th stands for त.

where t and th are pronounced exactly as in English. 

t as in melt    &    th as in wealth

Coming back to Ajit and Ajith. 

If spelt Ajit and were to be read out using the standard English sounds would turn out to be अजिट.

Just like Submit would be read out as सबमिट 

Only if it were spelt Ajith, will it be correctly pronounced - अजित 

Just like wealth would be pronounced - वेल्त

Face it, if you see the board Thane in Bombay .. and if you've never heard of that name .. you're gonna end up reading it as तेन and not ठाणे !!

Ideally Hindi should use the capitals of English to map their sounds completely:

Hence t would be ट, T would be ठ, th would be त and TH would be ठ.

ठाणे would then be spelt as THaNe

That would keep the difficulty in pronunciation and the fights between north and south of India a little less.

If you still didn't get it, then I Bret you're the kind that thinks Himesh Reshammiya is best there is, was and ever will be.

- humble me

Phone Banking

One day, on a phone banking call...

Automated:

For banking press 1..

For feedback press 2 ..

If you're a True Value member press 3 ..

If you're a jackass press 4 ..

If you're a gamer press start

If you're deaf press your hearing aid.

If you want to talk to a brontosaurus, talk to your wife..

If you want me to repeat the whole thing .. go to hell.

*click 1*

For feedback press 2 ..

For True Value press 3 ..

For Slash Combo press - Δ Ο Ο Δ

For Fatality press Forward Down Back Back High Kick(sweep distance)

For banking press 1 (yes again)

For credit card press 5 ..

To go up press 8 ..

To go out use your main door ..

*click 1*

For phone banking press 1

To understand which level of sub-menu you are in and how to navigate .. watch Inception.

If you want to talk to our customer service executive .. press 9

*click 9*

Please wait while we transfer your call ..

All our officers (which is a grand total of ONE) are busy (taking a dump).

Your call is important to us (as important as Dozer's role in the matrix.. who's Dozer? .. our point exactly)

You are the ___ person in the queue (if we tell you the number, what do YOU plan on doing hanging on the call? please keep guessing whats in the ___ ).

Finally ..

Phone Banker: Hello sir, I name Nikita, I real name Kuppamma Kachdawali from the unheard village of Kkukkammastnalu ..

I 3rd standard fail. I given job in bank for phone talker, toilet cleaner, washer and cow milker.. I given one lollipop for one year salary. My bank fire all real bankers .. may be they no know how cows the milk.. I am not supposed to tell you text in green .. but I also color the blind.

How may i service you sir?

Customer: Umm.. can I know my account balance?

Nikita: Sir one nimit sir .. putting the hold on you sir .. Cow is udder big .. milking time .. Again don't mind the words in blue.. 

Nikita: Sir for confirmation .. 

what the name sir...? date of birth..? mother's name..? 

your neighbor's cheating wife's lesbian partner's favorite milk brand..?

how many balls you have sir..? 

how many time in a day you play with them sir ..? which sport do you play with them sir..? 

account number sir..?

what is f(2,3) if f(x,y) = [Pamela(x) - Kartina(y)]... 

your bank balance sir .. ? ..

Customer: Huh? But that's what I need you to tell me!

Nikita: Sorry sir.. according to our policy we must having this information for verification sir .. 

Customer: What sense does that make??

Nikita: Thank you sir, is anything there else I help can you with?

Customer: But.. but.. you didn't help me with my first query...

Nikita: Thank you for calling sir .. 

Automated:

Please feel free to cry yourself to sleep. Also try mailing us with any outstanding query (note: the query really needs to be outstanding, we don't have the time for un-interesting ones). We will get back to you in 72 working days. (Please note Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays are considered as nights for us)

*click* *tooot*

*tooot* *tooot* ...

Hum Apke Hain Pomeranian!

Bolly"Wood"

Many concerned Indian patriots had taken it to their film makers that India doesn't produce any good Adult Films. Where is our country going? No one seems to care! Every other country is producing good quality stuff and Indians are left with nothing more than look-alikes of Cousin Itt & Jabba The Hutt making out to a camera in bad light. We must show the world that not only are we good at making babies using 62,834 positions (and yet keeping the topic taboo) but we can also make films about them and give it the family movie genre.

Film makers saw the point at once! They decided to take up new projects and have shortlisted the following titles:

- Sore Lay (hardcore)

- Hum Aapke Hai Porn (informative documentary on making adult films, feat. hit single dicktana)

- Sub Kuch Hota Hai (inter-racial, feat. hit single "ladki badi horney hai" )

- R.G.Verma Ki Aag (gay)

- Oh Shanti... Ooh! (amature couple, feat. hit track "bukkake disco")

- Booby (calendar girls)

- Lage Raho Munni-bhabhi (marathon)

- Dildo Paagal Hai (lesbian)

- Dilwale's Dulhaniya Laid (bride fetish)

- Maine Kiya! (first time)

- Ram's Biwi Ganga.. Meri (cheating spouse)

- Saare Zameen Par (group orgy)

- Jab Jab Phool Khile (amature teens)

- Anmol body (calendar girls) 

- Haathi Mera Saathi (beastiality)

- Kabhi Sri-Sri Kabhi Fun (taboo)

- Rand De Basanti (informative documentary on "how to bargain with a pimp")

- Kaho Naa Tyre Hai (fat fetish)

- Kabhi Hole-Without Na Karna (informative documentary on "how to end your celibate life")

- Kal Whore Na Ho (informative documentary on "how to lead a celibate life") 

- Maare Tu Ya Maare Na (bondage)

- No Entry (softcore)

Indians have yet again shown their unity in diversity.

- humble me

Gandalf vs Dumbledore

Everyone's curious about what happens when Gandalf faces Dumbledore in combat.

So here it is.. 

- humble me

Love Triangles of Bollywood

Bollywood has had love triangles forever. We have seen many standard one girl - two boys. And of the two boys, the not loved one either gets a new heroine in the end or ... to keep matters simple, just dies in the end and every one else lives happily ever after. Here is a look at some of the more interesting love triangles that Bollywood has offered.

Kal Ho Na Ho

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

Darr

Saajan

Hum Aapke Hain Koun

Ishq

 Anjaam

 Baazigar

-Humble Me

Tomato Sauce!!

Recently I had been to a restaurant in Mumbai  and had ordered for roasted Paapad, Roti and some side dish. Now I ask the waiter for some sauce for the Paapad.. what I had meant was this..

And instead, what I got served was this.. (Pyaas)

It took me 5 minutes to explain to him what I had actually wanted.. And when I finally did get through to him.. He was like.. "Baiyaa..  woh toh ketup hai.. apko toh kuch bhi nahi patha hai.. kahan se hai aap?? " and I replied back "Yeah, I am not from this place. I actually come from a place which is located 35 deg south 48.5 deg west with an approx distance of 3821.985 miles from the planet Uranus"

- Bumble Bee